Now, I’m not suggesting everyone who hires a bike or scooter is a raging twat, heaven forbid, however every one I’ve ever encountered does seem to be totally inept and unaware of the rules of the road, they also seem to be completely unaware of traffic, which can occasionally be unfortunate given that most taxi drivers seem to have the same issues. I’m talking about central London which I drive through on a regular basis, let’s take for example Regent Street. You have the regulars posing for the ‘gram’ on the central reservation rarely taking notice of the fact they are mere inches from a bloody great bus as they do that stupid duck face and waving two fingers around (thankfully usually the ‘peace sign’ rather than the other way around). But then, and I’m not kidding, you’ll have a scooter, complete with idiot rider jump between buses, no helmet because, ya know, it’s good ol’ London, the whole thing is a pedestrian precinct apparently. I’m sat patiently waiting for the sound of an ambulance siren because some twat has just become part of a bus sandwich. Thankfully that hasn’t happened yet but without wishing to sound old, it’s only a matter of time. I just don’t understand the complete lack of concern for their own life.

While I’m on the subject, dear Americans, yes it’s true we do have some magnificent architecture and fascinating history in London, but, the square mile is ‘not’ a pedestrian precinct where you can loiter on a main road. I quite often find myself muttering “yes, please just wander around, I will quite gladly turn you into road pate, sod the paperwork and jail time. Unlike my partner I am not one for for spending my life pressing the horn to wake you up, but it is quite amusing, I will admit to make you jump as I come to a screeching halt mere inches from you because you’re not paying attention.

This of course is not just American tourists, plenty of Brits are the same which is more than frustrating, you should know better!